IT'S ALIIIIVE

Homestuck liveblogging

Rose you unbelievable badass. Look at that knitting strife slickness. AUGH I LOVE Rose’s Medium *-*

This got incredibly verbose.

Also, I need to sew a Mutie.

Also. The Trolls. The Shipping. 
 

The Nick Cage! *cringe* THE ELVIS VOICE. THE SLAMANDERS. *BWAP*

JOHN. You precious baby. (I have too many precious babies. My PB Pouch is positively packed, and fit to pop)

EB: i’m just the timey-wimey messenger here.

JOHN. JADE.

JesusshitDave. You had to CalSprite, of course you did. And There’s no reason why CalSprite wouldn’t fight with buttpuppet lasers and shit. Holybajeesus. The record spinning strife is mega epic though… Turntabletimetravel. Yes. Two Daves. Mmmmyesss.

OHGOD DAVESPRITE. Sweetshityes. YESSSsss

TG: dont talk to john anymore hes an impressionable doofus  

YESSsssss. Also all this talk of color smelling goes straight to my ladyboner, what the hell. I mean what. (The blind jokes though AHhhahaha)

DAVE: why are we so fucking awesome 
DAVESPRITE: thats the best fucking question anybody ever asked

CRYING.

SDBJKSFv SHIT. OF COURSE. Okay, I figured Bro was Dave, because time travel, and that got me thinking about John—>Dad and Rose—>Mom, but Jade—> Grandpa makes far less sense, but of course Jade wants to be a wolf, not a furry, or a fursuit but a WOLF, SO. Bec. Plus magical properties of some form of ascension. This makes the John and Rose bits a little harder to understand, but I assume there’s more to reveal there.

Dang dude(Can I call you Hussie, is that a thing I’m allowed to know/say yet?) that is SOME tablet. I jelly. Maha, begin “Leave Me The Hell Alone You Psycho Fans” arc. How has this only been a year. Holygod look at this recap.

MAP *drool*

DNA coding blocks forever have my love, Homestuck wins if only for that (as did Gurren Lagen and Gattaca) My heart for GATC.

TIME TABLES. Okay, I’m a dipshit and should have seen that coming.

He then became Jackspers Noirlecrow, which is a name I just made up now. 

Yesgood.

AH you asshole.
 

Ohgod a cal. You don’t understand the nightmares that asshat induces.

You decide that’s entirely enough of that. If this website becomes any more self-aware in a playfully self-deprecating yet weirdly self-aggrandizing manner, you’re going to go drown a bag of puppies in a sewer.

Oops. Everyone hide the puppybags. I have a feeling this is going to happen like, a hundred times.

BEST PUPA PALS FOR LIFE. If I was in any way capable of effort. I would find a non-smut DaveJohn image to Gif in annoying flash Impact #BPPFL. But. Effort.

Wow, I was clearly not meant to read this. John’s fixation on the Real Dave is as adorable as it is ripe for fanfiction plotting. Two Daves is two Daves too many. *nosebleeding into the bin*

(Sprite!)TG: what 

EB: in case i forgot to say so before… 
EB: thanks for saving my life! 
(Sprite!)TG: yeah 

SLAdnbjkf yes. *crying*

DAVE. Checking to see if Rose is actually keeping records on you. You scamp. Fuckin DreamCal ewww. Dave, I really love your dreamdress. Take me now.

JOHN YOU PRECIOUS GOOB. With the burning love of sentimental bunny rabbits. (although it seems to be a singular rabbit, somehow having travelled from LOWAS and time to baby Rose through the Breeze/oil pipes… Which wait. I missed where the timelines diverged because SalamanderCasey is still here with the Bunny. Wat.)

Hahahhhh the secondfirst time talking to GA.

NASKHBFvfholyshit I just pissed myself. Blind Justice. How did I JUST GET THAT.

Woah, TT/Geminiguy has amusing but impossible to read chatspeek, but also 

TA: ii am goiing two perform 2ome 2ort of athletiic fuckiing 2omer2ault off the deep end and get a call from the pre2iident or 2ome 2hiit. 

Seems to be Dave. And GA is Rosey.

What the hell are these Parents up to :|

OH DAVE. ~SWOON~ Getting John a sweetasshammer.

Trollian? (That is still a thing? Oh this is several years ago lol)

This is a thing: Viceroy Bubbles Von Salamancer. This is totally a thing… maybe a tumblr url I saw…

CAULK LICH. lolol AWwww the hammer has time powers. JonDave lovechild. Obvi. NO JOHN! Don’t put it on your sweet suit is too raaad.

It’s like shit wants nothing to do with that hook. The hook filed for divorce from that shit and is now seeking custody of the hook and the shit’s two kids.

RAD. JADE. Temporal Badass.

@w@ THIS ISH IS SO FUCKING COOL.

You make a HUGGABLE SOFT SALAMANCER PLUSH. 

You award it to the Viceroy on account of good behavior.

Add that to the list of things to plush. I ought to figure out that crocheting thing someday, or try to actually retain knitting. Oh nice, Rose finally got a HUDtop thingger and a bunch of radass shizz. Nice, Rose.

You do an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle and into his heart. And he, into yours.

NO DAVE NO. RESIST THE BOOTY. Dave wtf. Your alchemizing is flying so far off the handle you’re not even within gravitational range of ANYTHING. Oh, of course he then does something incredibly badass. Ohgods, and then fanfic worthy. STOP WITH THE DAVECLONING ALREADY.

TG: you mean when we were dancing and stuff in our dreams

<3

TG: are you talking to future me 
TT: Yes. 
TG: ok im out of the loop again 

For reals destroying me with this competitiveness :|||

Timelines hurt. :| Jade has the mystery bunny :|| Like, from birth. My brain hurts. Did they all arrive via asteroid. Is that what’s happening. W-what. Babies. Wat. Ohgod wait. Nurrr. They are their own parents? Jade’s grandpa was a lady(or somehow cloned into her mom?)? Ahhhh. OWWwww. So… Johndad and Rosemom made Rose and John, and Bro and Gramps made Jade and Dave? @A@ At least in this ectoexperiment @-@ (echeladder for that? ITS YOU YOU ARE THE STAR)

adopted-yet-biological daughter-slash-grand-daughter

Who even. Not me.

shipping two passengers long overdue for a reunion

oh wait, what? *u* JohnDad/RoseMom ship is LITERALLY sailing.

What the hell with the shipping Samantha Lionheart. John likes being teased. o-o

But wait. They’re all the same age now @-@ howwwwparadoxclones. Okay. So, the asteroids were delivering the babies in preparation for. Wait it was grandma and Jade’s grandpa. not John’s dad? And then the parent babies must have been delivered earlier.

Bro/Cal is CREEPY FOREVER. Dave/Pony is canon.

also: 

EB: get back to me in a couple minutes, ok? 

CG: SD;LKFJSD;LKFJSDLFKJ; 
CG: FINE.

It’s getting harder and harder not to ship?

Ah yes. Grandma. And time travel and raised by Colonel Sassacre, b/c of course. And Betty Crocker. And Bec…Halley… Death. Wut :| Wait. John dad.. Or John? Baby. My brain :\ Harley. I remember this reference. Is this MomDad as siblings? @A@ wuuut Okay. John’s grandma and Jade’s Grandpa are “siblings” raised by Betty Crocker and heirs to Sassacre who died. Grandpa takes Harley. AHHhhhh John gave the babies his bunnies. Explaining their presence in odd timeplaces

lmaoJOHN. YOU DIPSHIT. STOP REENACTING CONAIR. OH LORDY IT IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN I THOUGHT. Karkat. You and me both bro. What the ffffff. PS: Is that Hussie singing?

End Act 4. Holy Jegus.